I got a haircut the other day. I’m tying to grow it longer, and it’s currently in what cannot be helped…the awkward phase. No matter how you cut it, it’s going to look awkward, and probably bad, or at least require far more trouble to make it look good than what I am willing to give it in the morning.

My hairstylist knows this. She knows that I want nothing to do with my hair on most days (sometimes, I admit, I forget to brush it). She also knows that, when I am forced to leave my hair down (which I have to when it’s too short to stay UP), I almost uniformly tuck it behind my ears or under a headband or something else so I don’t have to think about it.

She’s well meaning. She wants my hair to look decent without much effort. She doesn’t want me to be a walking advertisement of when a haircut goes bad!

So she gave me little bangs. Attractive little side swept bangs. Bangs that, when they fall into my face, are JUST under my eyes. JUST too short to put behind my ears. And therefore, bangs which constantly fall in my face.

I’m ready to shave my head. Sure, it makes the hair look much less awkward than it might otherwise. I know she’s doing her best for me.

…but this hair is NOT BENCH FRIENDLY. Here I am, trying to work under the hood in glove-covered hands which are in turn covered in noxious substances, and my HAIR IS IN MY FACE. It’s too short to be held back by headbands, at times I have resorted to paperclips. It being chunky and layered makes it worse, all barrette efforts are in vain.

And I have noticed that much of the hair I have seen recently is not bench friendly. Long side swept side parted hair that, while getting attractively in your face constantly, also makes you look kind of like one of those dogs that can’t possibly see through their hair. Lots of hair that is scooped carefully forward, short in the back and longer in the front, so that despite your best efforts it gets in your face. Lots of long little wisps of hair, meant to look ethereal, that do their best ethereal impressions in front of your face. Even the guys aren’t unaffected! I see lots of longer guy hair, brushed charmingly over the eyes.

Why do I keep seeing the vast number of hairstyles that are artfully swept over one eye? I guess hair is more important than vision.

Has anyone else had bench unfriendly hair? Advice on how to deal with it? Currently I’m pinning it back all over the place, but the net result is that I often have to walk directly into a meeting with my hair in full on nutty professor. While the Professor Trewlawney look might suit me to some degree, it’s not exactly preferable. Anyone?