It was only today that Sci realized that May Scientiae goes up…um…tomorrow? Or at least it’s due tonight. Sci has never before submitted to Scientiae, though she reads every issue like clockwork, but she found the prompt this month raised some thoughts in her little experimental brain.
I’d like to propose “A Snapshot” as a theme. Create a blog time capsule for yourself that will say Spring 2009 when you look back on it in a couple of years.
So this will be a more personal picture of Sci. At least, as personal as you can get when you’re trying to relate to one frazzled-as-hell-siamese.
I am getting rather advanced in my graduate program. As a first or second year grad student, you’ve still got the little glow when you walk into the lab. The glow that says “look at me! I’m doing SCIENCE! I’m going to save the WORLD!” You have that glow even when you’ve been working all night on classwork, when you’re stressed beyond all belief. It’s the little things. Your first experiment that works, the first time you say something that comes out sounding wise and your advisor looks at you with something like pride. These are the good days.
By third year, things have changed. Your proposal is done, you’re ready to plunge in, you’re ready to start that project that WILL save the world (or at least a portion of the population, many years down the line). But…nothing works anymore. You’re considered “trained”, and you’ve got to solve problems on your own. LOTS of problems. Late nights in the lab increase. Your health and diet deteriorate. And you start to get cynical. You look at the new grad students coming in, they seem so bright and full of promise. You get a little bit of schadenfreude knowing what’s going to happen to them.
By fourth year, things start to pick up a little. Maybe you’ve really mastered your techniques by now, and data is starting to come down the line. Your advisor actually wants you to help on important things! Papers start rolling out. You walk around with more confidence, thinking maybe, someday soon, they’ll hand me a PhD for this!
And then we’re up to now. Sci’s…a little older than a 4th year. Ok, maybe a LOT older than a 4th year. No one’s handed her a PhD for her work yet. But the time is approaching when they’ll hand her one, and set her loose in the wide world to do what she might.
And then, miserable though grad school is, Sci was clinging to it for all it’s worth.
Grad school has been tough. REALLY tough. But it’s a tough Sci knows. It’s a tough place, but she knows what to do, and where to go, and what needs to get done when. The big world? Not so much.
Sci has learned a lot of things in grad school. She’s learned her techniques, the detecting of apples and oranges in various trees, the making of applesauce and orange juice, and whether or not people think apples or oranges are tastier. I know how to write a paper, I know how to write a grant. I know how to read and make sure I’ll remember what I read and what it meant (harder than you’d think). And boy, do I know how to troubleshoot.
But this spring, Sci has been confronted endlessly by the many things she DOESN’T know. How to work in different environments with different types of people. How to get people to notice you among all the other grad students showing off their hot fruit measurements. How to say intelligent things to people far bigger and badder than she. And how to get what you want, when asking just isn’t enough. Sci has learned science, but she has yet to learn politics.
And unfortunately, politics matters in the world of research just as much as the science you’re doing. Perhaps it shouldn’t matter, but it does.
This is discouraging for Sci. She wishes people would let her do her thing, collect her data, analyze, communicate. It’s even more discouraging to realize that although I have spent the last few years mastering so much, there is still far more to go. It’s a lot harder than Sci thought.
For a while this got me down. Why should I try? Why should I bother with all this red tape and knowing the right people and being nice to them in the right way and making sure you phrase things JUST SO? Why shouldn’t I do something else?
Sci doesn’t know why she should keep going. But she will. The training over the past few years has taught me a lot of things, but it has made me a different person. It has made me a scientist. It has honed my curiosity, my ability to inquire. Even more importantly, my time in grad school has taught me WHY I’m a scientist. And it has taught me that I can’t stop now. Politics or not, Sci will learn it, and she will forge ahead.
Screw you, politics and red tape. Sci’s got a world to save. She’s got problems to solve and questions to answer, and she will not let you stand in her way!
April, 2009. Sci’s frazzled, but ready to move on up. Bring it on.
