To the Dude who sat down in front of me in seminar Friday having previously bathed in Axe,
I hate you.
Believe me, if the choice for you is between a shower and bathing in Axe, take the shower, I assure you that everyone around you would prefer it.
You reek to high heaven. And when you sat down in front of me in seminar on Friday, my nose wrinkled immediately, and my brain went “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!!” I knew I had to flee, but by then it was too late.
You see, I get migraines. And they are sometimes triggered by things like intense smell. Like you, young man who bathed in Axe body spray. You can now consider yourself directly responsible for the migraine that I have been down with for the past TWO DAYS, going on THREE. By the time I managed to gather my things and leave the auditorium, it felt like someone was trying to lobotomize me without anesthetic, and I could barely see. I have now been officially useless for the past three days, at a time which was hardly convenient for me. Not that migraines are ever convenient.
The next time I see you, I have a strong urge to clock you so hard on the head you will have a massive headache for three days. So you know what it’s like.
But I’ll have to put on a HEPA filter first.
No love,
Sci
